"Hello everyone this is Tom Mzik and my guest today on USSN's Interrogation Room is SKat. She would like us to keep her voice masked and identity and measurements anonymous so we are going to flash you images of what some are referring to as "the sexiest damn shoes on the planet" as we ask her a couple of questions about her occupational hazards and life as a killer on this radio show. Thanks for tuning in America.
Q: "So SKat, how did you get involved with assassins and their kind? Did you answer the want-ads or something?"
A: "No Tom. I was snatched from a Fructose Mart parking lot in the middle of the night from what I am told...the rest is real fuzzy. I used to be a 'Data Exchange Consultant' for goodness sakes. I had a craving for Twinkies and decided to walk there from my apartment. I couldn't sleep that night. I should have wore something other than tight shorts and a T-shirt that had 'Eye-Candy' spray painted on the front of it. I might not be here right now talking to you on this show. I probably wouldn't even be in a novel or any other book for that matter."
Q: "You blame CG for this, your 'killer-side' so to speak?"
A: "Of course! He's sick and twisted! The way I like my men...you never know what they are going to do next. Full of surprises...you cant blame them for writing us the way we are. It's just natural."
Q: "Let's get on with the subject of your 'kills'. How many and what is the preferred method?"
A: "That's a great question Tom and one in which I am not going to answer unless you are willing to become 'leaking-subject' number 333 in his next book available at Amazon.com, Lulu.com, and all fine retailers titled Emerald'. As far as my method of as I refer to it 'engineering', I am as sharp as a Katana. Need I say more Tom?"
Q: Nope, gulp. So whats the fascination with the number 'three' you just mentioned. I see that number quite a bit in his writing?"
A: " That's none of your business Tom. Who do you think you are, Tesla or something?!"
Q: "Uh no, so sorry. Can I ask you about your addiction or is this off-limits too?"
A: No, its fine Tom ask away."
Q: "Okay then, Peeps. Why purple Peeps? Why not Twizzlers or Jelly beans or something else? Why not power, money, alcohol, or sex? Why candy?"
A: "Seriously Tom? You cannot answer that yourself? All of these vices and their respective counterparts are so cliche. It's time for new vices and new addictions. Arcing for example. The brain needs to think in different patterns, different wavelengths.
Tom: "I think we've got time for some callers questions do you mind staying a bit SKat?"
SKat: "No Tom I would love to talk to someone who isn't you for a while."
Tom: Go ahead caller, whats your question for SKat?"
Caller: "Uh wow uh how do you um walk in those um shoes ma'am? Do they hurt?"
SKat: No. They do not hurt and I just put one foot in front of the other like any other assassin. idiot."
Tom: "Next caller go ahead please."
Caller: "You got me so hot right now. You just kill me!"
SKat: "Where do you live caller? Where are you calling from?"
Caller: "Shhh...It's me Tom! Look over here!"
SKat: "Oh my God you're a disgrace. Put your pants back on Tom!"
Tom: Well America, we, um I, have run out of time and I am currently looking down the business end of a shiny sword. See you next time on USSN's Interrogation Room. Gulp